im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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