you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
