Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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