you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
