I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
