There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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