She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
