Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
