If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
