the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
