I checked into jail on foursquare
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
