I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
