porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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