just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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