FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
