I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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