I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize