the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
