I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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