be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
