How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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