my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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