there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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