You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
