it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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