Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
