then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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