I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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