If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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