i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
