Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
