just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
