you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
