Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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