you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
