He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
