Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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