47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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