I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
