omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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