Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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