So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
