he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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