so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
