Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
