I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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