you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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