I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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