turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
