smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
