you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
