I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
