we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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