I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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