oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
