He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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