Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
