He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Holy sore nipples Batman
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
