remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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