She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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