ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
