I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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