am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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