You made me cry and you don't even care
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
