I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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