It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we should paint friendship bongs
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