That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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