So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
