Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
