I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
