So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
