The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You need Xanax blowdarts
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
