i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
birth control should be required to get into college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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