its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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