Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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