is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
