I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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