He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
