I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
